A Much-Needed Feelings Talk
by Caiternate
Summary: Set midway through City of Lost Souls, approximately at the point where my need for certain characters to sit down and talk about their feelings became almost unbearable. So I made Isabelle lock them in a room and force them to talk it out. There will be fluff because I'm lame. Reviews are appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

Isabelle Lightwood was good at many things. She was good at fighting, for one thing. She was good at looking amazing, even after a fight or when it was way too cold to wear anything cute. But she was very good at reading people, and she especially good at reading her brother.

And so she knew before anyone else that something was very wrong. Team Good (as Simon had started calling them) had been sitting for hours in Magnus's apartment, munching pizza and flipping through a large stack of books looking for anything that they could use to stop Sebastien without hurting Jace. Every once in a while someone would find something moderately helpful, and the group would stop to discuss options. Which usually turned into arguing. Overall, the afternoon had been long, tiring, and frustrating.

On top of it all, Izzy had started to notice a slight difference in the air. As usual, she had been catching her brother and his boyfriend staring at each other when the other wasn't looking. But there was a definite difference in the way that Alec looked at Magnus, something in the set of his mouth and the way that his eyes settled on his boyfriend's face.

There was definitely something hanging between them. Isabelle knew the signs and she knew when her brother was hiding something. His face when he bent back down over his book screamed _pretend everything's normal_, calling to mind a winter morning when she was nine years old and he was eleven. He had sprained his ankle badly the previous night after sneaking into the training room to practice, specifically against Hodge's orders. Jace and Isabelle had both urged him to admit that he'd broken the rules so that he could get some medical attention, but Alec had insisted on wearing three layers of socks instead. The next day during classes, he had sat perfectly still, trying not to move his injured foot. It was only when Isabelle forced him to walk over to her desk under the pretense of needing help with a translation that Hodge noticed his limp and forced the truth out of him. But his face during the class, the expression of stubbornly ignored pain and a thinly-veiled secret, was exactly mirrored now, nearly seven years later.

Isabelle knew that the issue, whatever it was, would go unaddressed by either of them until it boiled over into something much, much worse. Unless, that is, she forced them to act, as she had so many years ago.

She fished her phone out of her jacket pocket and typed a quick message.

_Is it just me or do a and m need to talk about something?_

She watched Simon, sitting cross-legged on the floor six feet away from her, glance at the screen. Reading her name on the screen, he looked at her quizzically. He bent his head to scan the message, glancing over at Magnus after he had finished. Of course, the warlock was staring at Alec with that weird look of "I've seen basically everything and it's all sad as fuck" that he got sometimes.

Simon's fingers flew across the keyboard of his phone.

_definitely not just you. should we do something?_

Isabelle smiled.

_just follow my lead ok?_

She clicked her phone off and stretched her arms.

"We ran out of pizza, like, an hour ago. I'm starving. Is there a chance we could order more food?"

Alec looked up from his book.

"Yeah, sure. We left the menus in the kitchen the last time we ordered, right? I'll go order."

He carefully set the book and notebook on the couch next to him and walked out of the main room.

Okay, halfway there. Isabelle turned to Magnus.

"What about Simon? Do you have anything for him to eat?" She glanced over at Simon, who quickly jumped in.

"Yeah, I'm really hungry. I, um, I haven't eaten in ages." Against his will, his eyes slid back to Izzy, specifically at the twin marks which were almost invisible unless you were looking for them.

Isabelle felt a flush rise in her neck and cheeks, which she desperately hoped went unnoticed.

"Of course, because I consider it a number-one priority to keep fresh blood on hand. Saint Magnus's Home for Wayward Shadowhunters is a full-service establishment." He paused, frowning thoughtfully. "Now that you mention it, actually. I might have something around somewhere. No promises on how long it's been in the fridge, though. Does blood have an expiration date?"

He got up and shuffled into the kitchen, muttering something about throwing away party leftovers.

"I don't even want to know why he has blood just lying around. Only in this apartment would that work." Simon muttered, but Isabelle was already springing into action.

Just as Magnus passed through the doors into the kitchen, from which Alec's voice was already floating, ordering the group's usual selection of greasy, cheesy, uniquely New York-style culinary staple, Isabelle slammed the door behind him and pressed her back against it, bracing herself with her feet. She motioned for Simon to pull one of the very tasteful black wooden chairs from the corner. On the other side of the door, Alec said very quickly "Yes that will be all thank you" and hung up.

"Isabelle, what are you doing?" He asked through the gap between the door and the wall.

"You guys obviously need to talk about something, and I'm not letting you out until you do." Izzy grabbed the chair from Simon and shoved it under the doorknob. "I'm going to go get coffee. Simon is coming with me. Text me when you've worked through whatever the hell is going on."

She pulled out her stele from her pocket and carefully drew a locking rune on the door's surface. Then, once it was safe, she removed the chair, pulled on her jacket, and walked toward the door, motioning for Simon to follow her.

As she stepped out the door, she called back:

"And Magnus? If you magic your way out of there, I will find out, and I will steal your cat and I will feed it to Simon and then I will wear its skin as a hat. And I would look amazing in that hat."

And she slammed the door behind her.

End Part I


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, guys! Thank you so much for the positive feedback. Here's part two, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

* * *

Alec heard his sister slam the door behind her, leaving the apartment empty but for the lingering remnant of her ridiculous ultimatum. He jiggled the door handle- locked, of course, probably with a rune of some kind- and sighed. Typical Iz, deciding that everyone's own problems were her personal crusade.

He muttered something to this effect, adding a comment about researching and saving the world, as well as their brother.

"Well, she does have a point." Magnus commented, leaning against the counter.

"What?"

"Your sister is a good judge of character, especially when it comes to her family. So, what is it? What's bothering you?"

"What do you think?" Alec said, much more harshly than he had intended.

"Still?" Magnus pushed off from the counter and stepped toward Alex, whose eyes were fixed firmly on the slightly-worn toes of his black socks. "How many times do I have to remind you exactly how important you are to me?"

"I don't know" Alec could here the petulance in his voice and he loathed every syllable that he spit out. "How many times have you said it to other someone else?"

"Alec-"

"How many times did you promise eternal love to Camille? Did you tell Will that you would never be ready to let him go, either? Look, I know how you feel about me now, but what about when I'm sixty? When I'm eighty-five? When I'm de-"

Magnus cut him off with a kiss, gentle and reassuring, twisting his long fingers into Alec's hair. Alec closed his eyes and returned the kiss, but only momentarily, breaking the connection when one of Magnus' hands began to move down his back.

"No. Okay, no. You can't keep doing that, like sex is going to make me forget that there is so much about your past that I don't know, or that in a hundred and fifty years I'm going to be another old story that you'll avoid telling to whatever pretty thing you're bringing back to this apartment, to sleep in that bed and eat in this kitchen. Like it's going to make me forget that every breath I take brings you one breath closer to having to move on and forget me."

Alec had been addressing this whole speech to the floor until the last few words, when he found the courage to stare into the catlike eyes which, as he spoke, had grown wide with grief.

"Is that really how you feel about this? About us?" His voice was soft and the pain in it was audible. Alec's throat was tight, and he could only nod.

"Alexander Lightwood, I could never forget you. Ever. I fear what you fear in that the thought of losing you is unbearable, and I would do anything to avoid having to do so."

"Then why don't you?" Alec asked.

"Excuse me?"

"I know that there are ways. For us to. You know. Stay together."

"Alec, immortality is a very risky game. Necromancy or vampirism, and I don't think you would consider either of those."

"Not for me to become immortal" Alec began, and let himself trail off. _Don't make me say it,_ he pleaded silently. D_on't make me tell you to give your life to stay with me._

"Of course." Magnus said thoughtfully, contemplatively. "For me to lose my own immortality. It is possible, of course it is. But almost unheard of." He looked up, meeting Alec's eyes.

"Camille." He stated, matter-of-factly. "You've been talking to her, haven't you?"

Alec could have denied it, could have mentioned reading about it in the Institute's library, or even one of Magnus's own books. But he was sick of half-truths and deceptions. He did not reply, but his eyes did not leave Magnus'.

"What did you do for her?"

"What?"

"She requested something of you, in exchange. What was it?"

"She wanted me to kill Raphael Santiago. But I didn't do it, it's okay."

"I'm not sure if 'okay' is the word." Magnus said, with a bitter laugh. "But better than the alternative, I suppose. I wish you'd come to me when she first contacted you."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to do, and it seemed like she understood what it was like."

"She didn't, though. I thought I loved her. I thought I had loved before, but"

"But what?" Alec's breath caught in his throat.

It seemed ages before Magnus spoke.

"It is possible. It is almost unheard of. For one who is meant to exist indefinitely, to give oneself over to the darkness of what lies beyond this world is unimaginable and, frankly, terrifying." He paused.

"But then, the darkness of the unknown is preferable to the darkness of a world which has lost the only thing that gave it light."

Alec's head shot up. He stared at Magnus, trying to gauge his sincerity. There was a shadow of fear in the warlock's eyes, but no trace of deception or false promises. He felt his chest contract, and then he was the one to step forward and brush his lips against Magnus's, who deepened the kiss, pulling Alec closer.

Once again, Alec broke the kiss, resting his forehead against Magnus's.

"Okay, what is it this time?" Magnus said, smiling.

"Well, I still don't know anything about you. Your parents, your childhood, your history- nothing. You've met my family, you know basically everything about me" He heard Camille asking tauntingly if he had run out of anecdotes yet. "But yeah, it doesn't go both ways."

Magnus sighed.

"This may take a while. No, wait. This will take a while."

He slid down the counter to the ground, settling on a throw rug which may or may not have been there five minutes ago. Alec sat down beside him, resting his head on Magnus's shoulder. After a dramatic round of throat-clearing, Magnus began to speak.

"Once upon a time, a woman lived by the sea and she loved a demon."

~ End Part II ~


End file.
